This was an assignment from group. I did this a few times through my pregnancy/adoption therapy. This is a combined list of what I learned through the process:
The Lord loved me as much as my child.
Pregnancy is not the sin.
Shows who real friends are.
The children are a blessing.
Eternal Prospective
Lord gives us commandments to bless and protect us.
I have to do the work, The Lord will meet me halfway- He won't do it all for me.
Prayer- lean more on the Lord.
with God I can do anything.
trust myself.
Test of Faith
Will never take kids for granted.
Mother's love is unconditional and comes suddenly.
Want to be a stay at home mom.
priorities
self sacrifice
putting child first
gratitude
without sorrow wouldn't know joy.
power of the advisory
faith in the Lord
stronger testimony of prayer
personal Revelation
how to care for a baby
how much my family loves and supports me.
set goals
be more responsible
forgiveness
grieving takes time
love myself
I'm stronger than I realize.
true pain.
certain things are suppose to happen
hard things make me grow and mature
I can make right decisions.
Adoption touches many hearts.
I can ask for help.
The Lord doesn't give you trials you can't overcome.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
sensitive areas:
The following can be sensitive areas for birth parents.
child birthday, special songs that remind you of your pregnancy or child, TV, radio shows, books or newspaper articles about adoption pregnancy or loss, pregnancies of friends, coworkers or relatives, others discussing pregnancy, birth, adoption or children, being around babies or children, baby showers, visiting a new mother in the hospital, meeting a child of the same age as yours or with the same name, the birth of the next child in extended family, making decisions about having a future child, making decision in other areas of your life, future pregnancies and deliveries, other losses, family events or special occasions.
I know for me birthdays can be hard for me sometimes but I try to celebrate his life. I miss him more on special days like his birthday. There are many songs that touch birth parents. Some help me others make me cry and sad. I know I had a hard time hearing when someone was pregnant and talking about their pregnancy/delivery. being around babies at first was hard for me but now I love being around kids. Many of these I have felt and had to deal with. I had a friend pass away months after placement and it brought back the loss of placing. It is important to be aware of "triggers" and how to handle them. Each person is different in handling grief.
The following can be difficult questions or statements to deal with:
do you have any children?
you don't have any children so how would you know?
are you going to have children?
why don't you have any children?
Don't you like children?
Don't you want to have any children?
you'll know what it's like when you have children of your own.
Everyone needs to be more sensitive to others. They don't know what you have been through. These questions are hard to answer even if you aren't a birth parent.
child birthday, special songs that remind you of your pregnancy or child, TV, radio shows, books or newspaper articles about adoption pregnancy or loss, pregnancies of friends, coworkers or relatives, others discussing pregnancy, birth, adoption or children, being around babies or children, baby showers, visiting a new mother in the hospital, meeting a child of the same age as yours or with the same name, the birth of the next child in extended family, making decisions about having a future child, making decision in other areas of your life, future pregnancies and deliveries, other losses, family events or special occasions.
I know for me birthdays can be hard for me sometimes but I try to celebrate his life. I miss him more on special days like his birthday. There are many songs that touch birth parents. Some help me others make me cry and sad. I know I had a hard time hearing when someone was pregnant and talking about their pregnancy/delivery. being around babies at first was hard for me but now I love being around kids. Many of these I have felt and had to deal with. I had a friend pass away months after placement and it brought back the loss of placing. It is important to be aware of "triggers" and how to handle them. Each person is different in handling grief.
The following can be difficult questions or statements to deal with:
do you have any children?
you don't have any children so how would you know?
are you going to have children?
why don't you have any children?
Don't you like children?
Don't you want to have any children?
you'll know what it's like when you have children of your own.
Everyone needs to be more sensitive to others. They don't know what you have been through. These questions are hard to answer even if you aren't a birth parent.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Poem: On the wings of a Prayer
ON THE WINGS OF A PRAYER
I set you free on the wings of a prayer
To fly through life in His tender care,
You're free from the nest and the ties that are bound
Free from the pressures I carry around.
If I kept you I'd only be cutting your wings,
Not offering the chance a true family brings.
The decision I've made has my heart torn in two,
But I know what I'm doing is the best thing for you.
The sky is so vast, the mountains so high
Take wing and remember: I love you.
Goodbye.
--LISA BOTE-PHILLIPS, a birth mother
I love this poem. I actually have it in my scrapbook. I put it at the end of my placement pictures.
I set you free on the wings of a prayer
To fly through life in His tender care,
You're free from the nest and the ties that are bound
Free from the pressures I carry around.
If I kept you I'd only be cutting your wings,
Not offering the chance a true family brings.
The decision I've made has my heart torn in two,
But I know what I'm doing is the best thing for you.
The sky is so vast, the mountains so high
Take wing and remember: I love you.
Goodbye.
--LISA BOTE-PHILLIPS, a birth mother
I love this poem. I actually have it in my scrapbook. I put it at the end of my placement pictures.
adoption myths
Adoption Myths
Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers.
Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.”
There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.
An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can.
Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.
A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption.
Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.
After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child.
Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.
Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges.
It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.
Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption.
Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.
Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers.
Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.”
There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.
An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can.
Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.
A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption.
Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.
After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child.
Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.
Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges.
It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.
Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption.
Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.
adoption statistics
Adoption is forever! Adoption is a lifelong commitment and unification of two families.
Statistics*
The majority of Americans are personally affected by adoption.
6 in 10 Americans have had personal experience with adoption.
37.5% of adoptions are done through private agencies.
Only 2% of unmarried women choose to place their child for adoption.
Only 1% of teen pregnancies result in adoption placements.
Adoptive Parents
Adoption is not the 2nd best! It is a loving way to build a family.
Adoption is permanent, and you are the parents.
Your child will have the benefit of two sets of parents.
Birthparents
Pregnancy is the earliest stage of parenting.
You are a parent to your son or daughter.
Adoption is a parenting plan.
Your choice of adoption was made as a parent;
a parent wants only what is best for their child.
Choosing adoption is an act made by a parent out of love. No decision takes more strength, love, or courage than planning for the future of your child.
Adoptees
An adoptees feeling of adoption is only a reflection of those around them.
Adoptees do feel different, even if they never say so.
Adoption is not too confusing for a child to understand.
Statistics*
The majority of Americans are personally affected by adoption.
6 in 10 Americans have had personal experience with adoption.
37.5% of adoptions are done through private agencies.
Only 2% of unmarried women choose to place their child for adoption.
Only 1% of teen pregnancies result in adoption placements.
Adoptive Parents
Adoption is not the 2nd best! It is a loving way to build a family.
Adoption is permanent, and you are the parents.
Your child will have the benefit of two sets of parents.
Birthparents
Pregnancy is the earliest stage of parenting.
You are a parent to your son or daughter.
Adoption is a parenting plan.
Your choice of adoption was made as a parent;
a parent wants only what is best for their child.
Choosing adoption is an act made by a parent out of love. No decision takes more strength, love, or courage than planning for the future of your child.
Adoptees
An adoptees feeling of adoption is only a reflection of those around them.
Adoptees do feel different, even if they never say so.
Adoption is not too confusing for a child to understand.
Monday, November 2, 2009
National adoption month!
November is national adoption month. The R house has challenged to write a blog every day. I will try but since I have done so many posts in the last few days I'm not sure if I'll be able to.
Happy adoption month!
my adoption video
I made this video for a contest on adoption voices. I had to change the music because of copyright to win. I used my brother's piano music on the one that won. This is the original video though. I won first place for my video. I was shocked. I hope my story helps others.
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