Birth Mother's Day

I just wanted to wish a Happy Birth Mother's Day to all my birth mom friends. I love you all. I'm grateful for your friendship, love and being able to share stories with you. We are a unique sisterhood connected by the love of our child. I hope you all have a great weekend and were able to do something for yourself to celebrate the amazing thing you did because we are all truly amazing and brave.

Visiting Spencer

I had a visit with my son Friday 19Th. We went to dinner at the Mayan. Spencer really enjoyed the show. They have divers, fire dancer etc. Spencer was shy at first but then opened up to me. I gave him an Easter present, a book and candy. Dinner wasn't that great but the visit was good. I hadn't seen them for 2 years. He's a lot bigger. He's doing great in school and is a good reader. He read part of the card I gave him. After dinner we went to a quiet table and talked. Spencer told me about the pictures they gave me for the last year. He gave me a hug and sat on my lap. He even said my name. He's so smart and cute. We had a great visit. I'm so glad to have an open adoption.

Happy Birthday Spencer!

Happy Birthday to my sweet Spencer! Today my little boy is 6. I miss him. I love him so much. I think of him often. I'm so glad I have an open adoption and I'm able to receive pictures, letters, and have visits. He is so special to me. He changed my life so much. I am the woman I am today because of him. I'm in a better place. I feel so blessed to have him as my birth son and that the Lord entrusted him to me for a little while. I'm grateful to Mike and Audrey for their love and openness. I hope that they have a fun birthday party for him. I will be celebrating at Olive Garden tonight. I love you Spencer! Happy Birthday!

God Found us You book

I bought this book for Spencer's birthday. I like it a lot more than "The Tummy Mummy." that I got him for Christmas. I liked the foxes and that the baby fox was asking more of the story. I cried reading this in the store. I love the book and what is said about the birth mother.

guest blogger

I am a guest blogger again on a new adoption blog that promotes openness. I am the first guest blogger and am so excited. Check it out!
http://openadoptionmatters.blogspot.com/

spotlight

I am the weekly spotlight on this other blog. check it out!
http://becauseadoptionmatters.blogspot.com/2010/02/weekly-spotlight-jennilee.html

greatest thing eternal family

As you can tell from my previous post I've been having a hard time. I had doubts. I have been emotional. I have cried, missed my son. I wondered if I should have parented or would have if I had done more research in my options. I tried talking to my husband about my feelings the other night. His cuddles and words would not comfort me. He said I made the right decision. He told me the choice has been made. I can't go back and that I just need to be happy. I tried talking to my sister who went through everything with me. She told me to remember decision day and how I felt. To remember praying about my choice. Her words did not comfort me either. I was talking to a friend and something he said struck me. I finally feel at peace again. I know I made the right decision again. I know I made the choice. I wasn't forced. I did what was best for my son. One of the biggest reasons I chose adoption is I wanted him to have a father, but that wasn't the most important part of my decision. I wanted him to have an eternal family. That was the most important thing. This is what my friend said that struck me.


friend: you will get sealed. I know it. and then when you guys have children, you will have already given them the greatest thing you possibly can.
me: gosh now I'm crying.

friend: why

me:because I've always wanted to go to the temple. I placed Spencer so he could have an eternal family and now hopefully soon I will be able to have that for myself and future children.

friend:you will

me: I think that's what I needed to hear to make me feel better again about my choice... good about it again like I almost always have been.

And so after a week of being hurt, empty, confused and doubting the simple words of a friend "You will have already given them the greatest thing you possibly can." (eternal family) I feel peace and comfort in my decision. I gave Spencer the best gift I possibly could an eternal family.