I bought this book for my son for Christmas. I loved the illustration it's so pretty. It's a very simple book telling of the birth moms journey of picking a family. I recommend it for a child.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Tummy Mummy
I bought this book for my son for Christmas. I loved the illustration it's so pretty. It's a very simple book telling of the birth moms journey of picking a family. I recommend it for a child.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
birth mom baskets
This birth mom is amazing! After I placed I was given a basket that a birth mom made. She donates to help birth moms pamper them self. I also love the poem she wrote "my little butterfly" if you can please donate to the baskets. it's a great way to help birth moms.
http://birthmotherbaskets.blogspot.com/
http://birthmotherbaskets.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Gifts
Some adoptive parents ask when it's appropriate to send gifts to the birth mom and what is too much. Some ask what is appropriate for sending gifts to their birth child. I think it's a personal choice and depends on how open the couple and birth mom are. I think that the first meeting is fine to give a gift, birthdays, holidays like mother's days, placement etc.
My personal experience is I love everything no matter how small it was. For my first meeting I was given a rose, picture album and gift certificate to a salon. Part of this was for my birthday since we met a day before my birthday and I had already chosen the couple. I think flowers are always good and same with a picture album since with an open adoption the couple will be sending pictures. I was given a nice flower bouquet and balloon from the couple that was sent to the hospital. During placement they gave me a white tiger since it's my favorite animal, Josh Groban CD, and a personally made necklace. For mother's day they gave me a butterfly wind chime. I was also given two stuffed animals that looked like the dogs they own this was not for any occasion but it was a nice gift. I love animals. What I hold the most dear is not really a gift. Audrey let me hold Spencer one last time at placement. I also had a lot of love and support in my letters and visits.
Gifts that I gave is a poem and picture for Mother's day. A book for Father's day. I sent Easter candy for the couple and a stuffed lamb for Spencer. This was all the first year. I send Spencer a present for Christmas ever year and for his birthday. I also sent a celestial mobile the first year. I think that it's fine to send something for Christmas and birthday. I don't send the couple things anymore but we always write an email to each other for mother's day, Christmas etc.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
then, now, future
5+ years later, looking back, looking forward, who i am, who i thought i would be, how has being a birth mom paved my life path?
I became pregnant the summer of 2003. I was 20 years old. I was not living the life I should have been. At the time I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I was originally going to single parent but as I researched and my love for my baby grew I felt the best thing for him was to place him for adoption so that he could have both a mom and a dad.
I placed my baby boy 5 1/2 years ago. My life has been so blessed by open adoption. I love my son. I still miss him and think of him often. I am not sad though. I don't regret my decision. I know I did what was best for my baby. I still have contact with letters and pictures sometimes an email. I celebrate my sons life and how it has changed my life. I am in a better place today because of my experience.
The journey was definitely bitter sweet. It was very hard the first year with not only recovering from the physical aspect of pregnancy/delivery but also emotional from the loss and grief of placing a child. I would not change my decision if I had to go back. I am in a better place because of it. My son is happy, healthy and well taken care of. Time truly does heal. I wouldn't say it's moving on because I still have contact, but the hurt is not there anymore.
I am now married to a wonderful man. The couple and my son were able to be at my reception. I don't have any children with my husband yet, but I look forward to being a mom. I know that my experience will make me a better mom. I understand what unconditional love is and what a child needs more than I did before. I plan to tell my future children about my birth son. I do worry some how I will handle pregnancy/delivery and raises a child after placement.
I know my life would be totally different had I single parented. I don't think I would have married my husband. Dating would have been a lot harder. I use to think "what ifs?" now I don't. I don't know that I would have grown from my experience as much. It's hard to think how my life would be different had I chosen another path. Being a birth mom I have gained an extended family with the couple. I have made friends with other woman who have been in my place. I understand the love my mom has for me and the sacrifice she was forced to make when she was 16 and placed. I know that my adoption story helped my mom.
I feel my adoption story has changed my life. It is not the whole part of me, but it has shaped me to the woman I am today. I grew a lot through the process, matured, learned, gained a testimony of adoption and a better testimony of my church. It brought me closer to my family. I would not be the woman I am today with out my experience.
I became pregnant the summer of 2003. I was 20 years old. I was not living the life I should have been. At the time I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I was originally going to single parent but as I researched and my love for my baby grew I felt the best thing for him was to place him for adoption so that he could have both a mom and a dad.
I placed my baby boy 5 1/2 years ago. My life has been so blessed by open adoption. I love my son. I still miss him and think of him often. I am not sad though. I don't regret my decision. I know I did what was best for my baby. I still have contact with letters and pictures sometimes an email. I celebrate my sons life and how it has changed my life. I am in a better place today because of my experience.
The journey was definitely bitter sweet. It was very hard the first year with not only recovering from the physical aspect of pregnancy/delivery but also emotional from the loss and grief of placing a child. I would not change my decision if I had to go back. I am in a better place because of it. My son is happy, healthy and well taken care of. Time truly does heal. I wouldn't say it's moving on because I still have contact, but the hurt is not there anymore.
I am now married to a wonderful man. The couple and my son were able to be at my reception. I don't have any children with my husband yet, but I look forward to being a mom. I know that my experience will make me a better mom. I understand what unconditional love is and what a child needs more than I did before. I plan to tell my future children about my birth son. I do worry some how I will handle pregnancy/delivery and raises a child after placement.
I know my life would be totally different had I single parented. I don't think I would have married my husband. Dating would have been a lot harder. I use to think "what ifs?" now I don't. I don't know that I would have grown from my experience as much. It's hard to think how my life would be different had I chosen another path. Being a birth mom I have gained an extended family with the couple. I have made friends with other woman who have been in my place. I understand the love my mom has for me and the sacrifice she was forced to make when she was 16 and placed. I know that my adoption story helped my mom.
I feel my adoption story has changed my life. It is not the whole part of me, but it has shaped me to the woman I am today. I grew a lot through the process, matured, learned, gained a testimony of adoption and a better testimony of my church. It brought me closer to my family. I would not be the woman I am today with out my experience.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
butterfly thought
Audrey gave me a butterfly wind chime for my first mother's day. I love butterflies since their is so much meaning. they are beautiful etc. This is what she wrote to me and I love this thought. "A butterfly doesn't start out a beautiful butterfly. It is first a cute caterpillar, and then it has to go through quite a changing process both in the cocoon and the struggle of breaking free of the cocoon, before it become a beautiful butterfly. The most important event for the butterfly is the challenge and struggle it faces while breaking free of it's cocoon. if someone helps it and breaks the cocoon open for it, it's wings won't develop and it will die. If it gives up, and doesn't break free of the cocoon, it will die." I also like the thought that you can't catch a butterfly you must let it come to you. It needs to spread it's wings and fly.
The child's perspective
Another assignment that helped me a lot was called the child's perspective. We were to write a letter to "parent, birth mom" of how the child may feel. It was very therapeutic for me and helped me to think of the babies needs more than my own. My sister and mom also wrote some so I will share each letter.
wrote on 7-29-03 I wrote this one,
Dear birth mother,
I am excited at the chance to gain a body and come to this earth. I know you are having a hard time with this, but I am glad you are being brave and going through this for me. I want you to think what is best for me. I'm sure you'll be a loving mother and could take care of me. I need a father in my life though and good finances so that I can be clothed and fed. This is a hard decision, but you need to think about whats best for me. Can you handle the emotions of having me around all the time? I need constant care and love. I need a family that loves me, protects me and takes care of me. Don 't forget about my feelings in your decision making. You are the one that is in control and you need to do whats best for me.
Love, unborn baby
Letter from baby to birth mom: my sister wrote this one.
God would not have allowed me to come down from heaven to be with you even for a short time without a plan for you and I. Thank you for allowing me to grow inside you. I know this is a struggle for you, but you will grow from this too. I hope that you will talk to our Heavenly Father and to your true self often in choosing whether to keep me as your own child or sending me to an eternal family. I don't want you to keep me if I'll be a constant reminder of a mistake in your life. I want to be remembered and treated with love. If part of your forgiveness to yourself and God requires me to be "let go" I hope you will do so with no regrets and that you will know that you have placed me with my eternal family, and that you will feel peace in your heart knowing you've followed Gods plan for me.
This one was written by my mom.
Dear Parent,
I am preparing for my birth and excited that my time on earth is at hand. I am anxious to meet the family I will have for eternity. It has been such a long wait, but what a wonderful time to be coming to earth. I'm not sure I would have liked being a pioneer. Even with all the modern things that can make life easier, come of my most basic needs remain the same. 1- I need to be loved. It isn't enough that you love me. I have to be able to perceive that love. 2- There are of course my physical needs. (and I'll bet we'll both be surprised at how demanding those are, and how expensive. You more than me, cause I will let you worry about that for me.) 3- Please don't forget my spiritual needs. As anxious as I am to come to you, it is of utmost importance that I learn how to get back to my Heavenly Father. I know you want that too so we can be together as an eternal family. I am putting my trust in you. I know you will have problems, but I know we can make it together.
Love eternally, your child
Dated 1/20/2004 written by me
Dear Jennilee,
I know you have thought about me a lot and what you would do. I want you to know that your decision to place is the best thing for me. I know you still love me and care for me. I'm excited to meet you in a few weeks. I know you've been struggling emotionally but everything will be okay. I'm very active in your tummy and you have taken good care of me. I feel close to you and know you feel a bond with me. I'm excited to meet my parents and I know I won't forget about you and the love you have for me. I will treasure the letters and pictures that you send and gifts. Thank you for taking good care of me while I grow inside you. Thank you for thinking about me and doing what was best for me even though it is hard. I love you.
Love, Jaden (what I called my baby)
My sister wrote this one:
Dear Jennilee,
I can't wait to finally meet the mother who's been talking to me and pushing at me for nearly 9 months now in a few weeks! I am so excited to see your face and to be held in your arms. I know your excited for my arrival now, but anxious and full of emotions too. I am thankful for your decision to place me with a mommy and a daddy, a family for eternity despite how hard this is for you. I will hold onto the few days we have together, as I know those days will be most precious for you and me. I'm sorry for the loss I know you'll feel, but also know of the excitement my parents having too after waiting so long for me. Thank you for being in tune to the spirit and following the Lord despite the difficulties. Thank you for all the love you have already shown me. Thank you for the Dance. Follow your dreams. keep in touch always.
your son, Jaden
7/20/2004 written by me:
Dear birth mommy-
I want to thank you for doing what was best for me. I love Mike and Audrey very much. They take great care of me. I am happy and know I am loved. I still love you too and miss you. Thank you for taking such good care of me while I grew inside your tummy and the time we had in the hospital. I know you are still struggling but stick in there. You are very brave. I can't wait for the day when we can reunite. I treasure the time we had together. I am forever a part of you. thank you for loving me enough to let me go so that I could have a better life. May God bring peace to you in your hard times and confirm to you over again you made the right choice for me.
Love Always, Spencer
written by my sister:
Dear Jennilee-
I want to thank you for placing me with a father and a mother who can care for me. During the day I get to play with mom. We go for walks on the nice sunny days. I usually take a nap in the stroller while mom gets to exercise. I've been enjoying many new sights, colors and toys lately and have been becoming stronger and bigger ever day. Dad is so proud to have me as his son. Every day he comes home he says where's my boy and picks me up high. Some days I even get to go with him and mom to work. Someday when I'm older I may even get to help him plant all the colorful Flowers. Remember when we went swimming when I was in your tummy? I enjoyed it then, and enjoy it even more now. I love the water it is so relaxing. I even got to visit with my cousins. I love having so many family members around showing me all their love and attention. Thank you for placing me with such a great family. In a month I get to be sealed to them for time and all eternity. I get to feel close to our Heavenly Father again. Whom I left only a few months ago. I want you to know that our Heavenly Father loves you and is proud of the decision you made of entrusting me in Mike and Audrey's care. I hope He continues to give you peace and comfort and that you will feel that from Him. I hope you are able to achieve all that you want to and that your struggles won't be to great. Know that I love you and thank you everyday for placing me in a righteous loving home.
Your son,
Spencer
01/18/2005 written by me:
Dear birth mom,
I am excited to see you again next month and show you how much I have grown and the milestones I have accomplished. I am so thankful to you for loving me enough to let me go and give me more. Mom and Dad are great parents and we have a lot of fun. I love when daddy reads to me. I love to take showers/ or baths and splash in the water. I love being in the outdoors and feeling the sun on me. I have fun plowing with daddy. I spend most my time playing with mommy. She is really fun and makes me laugh. I have had a lot of fun this past year with all sorts of new experiences and vacations I've already been camping, boating, four wheeling, swimming, and much more. I am crawling now and able to explore new things. I am so happy to be able to have a mommy and daddy and be an eternal family with them. I have a big family that loves me very much. I enjoy spending time with my cousins my age and playing with them. I am a very happy boy. I am so grateful to the sacrifices you have made for me and the love you show me. Thanks for following the spirit. I love you.
Your son,
Spencer
Written by my sister:
Dear Jennilee,
Wow it's amazing all that has happened in the last year and the 9 months before that too! It seems like yesterday that I was dancing in your tummy to Jon Schmidt at the concert, to dancing with my adopted mom, to singing with the Mormon Tabernacle choir at conference, to playing the piano recently with mom. Isn't music great! I'm so thankful you blessed me with that and placed me with parents who continue to strengthen my talents and love with joyful noise! I am so grateful for your decision to place me with loving parents. I know there have been times you have really struggled and I am without enough words to describe my gratitude for relying on the Lord and trusting Him. Heavenly Father loves you. You have grown so much from this experience. I love you Jennilee. I am so grateful to you. I am so grateful for the family I have been entrusted to. I am thankful for your love of celestial themes and lambs and the spiritual significance and reminder they are to me. I am thankful for the time We've had together and the roots you placed in me that have been able to start blossoming with mom and dad. I am so thankful for having a father and being his best buddy. I love you. We will meet again soon.
your friend and son,
Spencer
(edited this letter as it was too personal and spiritual to share.)
wrote on 7-29-03 I wrote this one,
Dear birth mother,
I am excited at the chance to gain a body and come to this earth. I know you are having a hard time with this, but I am glad you are being brave and going through this for me. I want you to think what is best for me. I'm sure you'll be a loving mother and could take care of me. I need a father in my life though and good finances so that I can be clothed and fed. This is a hard decision, but you need to think about whats best for me. Can you handle the emotions of having me around all the time? I need constant care and love. I need a family that loves me, protects me and takes care of me. Don 't forget about my feelings in your decision making. You are the one that is in control and you need to do whats best for me.
Love, unborn baby
Letter from baby to birth mom: my sister wrote this one.
God would not have allowed me to come down from heaven to be with you even for a short time without a plan for you and I. Thank you for allowing me to grow inside you. I know this is a struggle for you, but you will grow from this too. I hope that you will talk to our Heavenly Father and to your true self often in choosing whether to keep me as your own child or sending me to an eternal family. I don't want you to keep me if I'll be a constant reminder of a mistake in your life. I want to be remembered and treated with love. If part of your forgiveness to yourself and God requires me to be "let go" I hope you will do so with no regrets and that you will know that you have placed me with my eternal family, and that you will feel peace in your heart knowing you've followed Gods plan for me.
This one was written by my mom.
Dear Parent,
I am preparing for my birth and excited that my time on earth is at hand. I am anxious to meet the family I will have for eternity. It has been such a long wait, but what a wonderful time to be coming to earth. I'm not sure I would have liked being a pioneer. Even with all the modern things that can make life easier, come of my most basic needs remain the same. 1- I need to be loved. It isn't enough that you love me. I have to be able to perceive that love. 2- There are of course my physical needs. (and I'll bet we'll both be surprised at how demanding those are, and how expensive. You more than me, cause I will let you worry about that for me.) 3- Please don't forget my spiritual needs. As anxious as I am to come to you, it is of utmost importance that I learn how to get back to my Heavenly Father. I know you want that too so we can be together as an eternal family. I am putting my trust in you. I know you will have problems, but I know we can make it together.
Love eternally, your child
Dated 1/20/2004 written by me
Dear Jennilee,
I know you have thought about me a lot and what you would do. I want you to know that your decision to place is the best thing for me. I know you still love me and care for me. I'm excited to meet you in a few weeks. I know you've been struggling emotionally but everything will be okay. I'm very active in your tummy and you have taken good care of me. I feel close to you and know you feel a bond with me. I'm excited to meet my parents and I know I won't forget about you and the love you have for me. I will treasure the letters and pictures that you send and gifts. Thank you for taking good care of me while I grow inside you. Thank you for thinking about me and doing what was best for me even though it is hard. I love you.
Love, Jaden (what I called my baby)
My sister wrote this one:
Dear Jennilee,
I can't wait to finally meet the mother who's been talking to me and pushing at me for nearly 9 months now in a few weeks! I am so excited to see your face and to be held in your arms. I know your excited for my arrival now, but anxious and full of emotions too. I am thankful for your decision to place me with a mommy and a daddy, a family for eternity despite how hard this is for you. I will hold onto the few days we have together, as I know those days will be most precious for you and me. I'm sorry for the loss I know you'll feel, but also know of the excitement my parents having too after waiting so long for me. Thank you for being in tune to the spirit and following the Lord despite the difficulties. Thank you for all the love you have already shown me. Thank you for the Dance. Follow your dreams. keep in touch always.
your son, Jaden
7/20/2004 written by me:
Dear birth mommy-
I want to thank you for doing what was best for me. I love Mike and Audrey very much. They take great care of me. I am happy and know I am loved. I still love you too and miss you. Thank you for taking such good care of me while I grew inside your tummy and the time we had in the hospital. I know you are still struggling but stick in there. You are very brave. I can't wait for the day when we can reunite. I treasure the time we had together. I am forever a part of you. thank you for loving me enough to let me go so that I could have a better life. May God bring peace to you in your hard times and confirm to you over again you made the right choice for me.
Love Always, Spencer
written by my sister:
Dear Jennilee-
I want to thank you for placing me with a father and a mother who can care for me. During the day I get to play with mom. We go for walks on the nice sunny days. I usually take a nap in the stroller while mom gets to exercise. I've been enjoying many new sights, colors and toys lately and have been becoming stronger and bigger ever day. Dad is so proud to have me as his son. Every day he comes home he says where's my boy and picks me up high. Some days I even get to go with him and mom to work. Someday when I'm older I may even get to help him plant all the colorful Flowers. Remember when we went swimming when I was in your tummy? I enjoyed it then, and enjoy it even more now. I love the water it is so relaxing. I even got to visit with my cousins. I love having so many family members around showing me all their love and attention. Thank you for placing me with such a great family. In a month I get to be sealed to them for time and all eternity. I get to feel close to our Heavenly Father again. Whom I left only a few months ago. I want you to know that our Heavenly Father loves you and is proud of the decision you made of entrusting me in Mike and Audrey's care. I hope He continues to give you peace and comfort and that you will feel that from Him. I hope you are able to achieve all that you want to and that your struggles won't be to great. Know that I love you and thank you everyday for placing me in a righteous loving home.
Your son,
Spencer
01/18/2005 written by me:
Dear birth mom,
I am excited to see you again next month and show you how much I have grown and the milestones I have accomplished. I am so thankful to you for loving me enough to let me go and give me more. Mom and Dad are great parents and we have a lot of fun. I love when daddy reads to me. I love to take showers/ or baths and splash in the water. I love being in the outdoors and feeling the sun on me. I have fun plowing with daddy. I spend most my time playing with mommy. She is really fun and makes me laugh. I have had a lot of fun this past year with all sorts of new experiences and vacations I've already been camping, boating, four wheeling, swimming, and much more. I am crawling now and able to explore new things. I am so happy to be able to have a mommy and daddy and be an eternal family with them. I have a big family that loves me very much. I enjoy spending time with my cousins my age and playing with them. I am a very happy boy. I am so grateful to the sacrifices you have made for me and the love you show me. Thanks for following the spirit. I love you.
Your son,
Spencer
Written by my sister:
Dear Jennilee,
Wow it's amazing all that has happened in the last year and the 9 months before that too! It seems like yesterday that I was dancing in your tummy to Jon Schmidt at the concert, to dancing with my adopted mom, to singing with the Mormon Tabernacle choir at conference, to playing the piano recently with mom. Isn't music great! I'm so thankful you blessed me with that and placed me with parents who continue to strengthen my talents and love with joyful noise! I am so grateful for your decision to place me with loving parents. I know there have been times you have really struggled and I am without enough words to describe my gratitude for relying on the Lord and trusting Him. Heavenly Father loves you. You have grown so much from this experience. I love you Jennilee. I am so grateful to you. I am so grateful for the family I have been entrusted to. I am thankful for your love of celestial themes and lambs and the spiritual significance and reminder they are to me. I am thankful for the time We've had together and the roots you placed in me that have been able to start blossoming with mom and dad. I am so thankful for having a father and being his best buddy. I love you. We will meet again soon.
your friend and son,
Spencer
(edited this letter as it was too personal and spiritual to share.)
Lessons I've Learned
This was an assignment from group. I did this a few times through my pregnancy/adoption therapy. This is a combined list of what I learned through the process:
The Lord loved me as much as my child.
Pregnancy is not the sin.
Shows who real friends are.
The children are a blessing.
Eternal Prospective
Lord gives us commandments to bless and protect us.
I have to do the work, The Lord will meet me halfway- He won't do it all for me.
Prayer- lean more on the Lord.
with God I can do anything.
trust myself.
Test of Faith
Will never take kids for granted.
Mother's love is unconditional and comes suddenly.
Want to be a stay at home mom.
priorities
self sacrifice
putting child first
gratitude
without sorrow wouldn't know joy.
power of the advisory
faith in the Lord
stronger testimony of prayer
personal Revelation
how to care for a baby
how much my family loves and supports me.
set goals
be more responsible
forgiveness
grieving takes time
love myself
I'm stronger than I realize.
true pain.
certain things are suppose to happen
hard things make me grow and mature
I can make right decisions.
Adoption touches many hearts.
I can ask for help.
The Lord doesn't give you trials you can't overcome.
The Lord loved me as much as my child.
Pregnancy is not the sin.
Shows who real friends are.
The children are a blessing.
Eternal Prospective
Lord gives us commandments to bless and protect us.
I have to do the work, The Lord will meet me halfway- He won't do it all for me.
Prayer- lean more on the Lord.
with God I can do anything.
trust myself.
Test of Faith
Will never take kids for granted.
Mother's love is unconditional and comes suddenly.
Want to be a stay at home mom.
priorities
self sacrifice
putting child first
gratitude
without sorrow wouldn't know joy.
power of the advisory
faith in the Lord
stronger testimony of prayer
personal Revelation
how to care for a baby
how much my family loves and supports me.
set goals
be more responsible
forgiveness
grieving takes time
love myself
I'm stronger than I realize.
true pain.
certain things are suppose to happen
hard things make me grow and mature
I can make right decisions.
Adoption touches many hearts.
I can ask for help.
The Lord doesn't give you trials you can't overcome.
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