then, now, future

5+ years later, looking back, looking forward, who i am, who i thought i would be, how has being a birth mom paved my life path?

I became pregnant the summer of 2003. I was 20 years old. I was not living the life I should have been. At the time I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I was originally going to single parent but as I researched and my love for my baby grew I felt the best thing for him was to place him for adoption so that he could have both a mom and a dad.

I placed my baby boy 5 1/2 years ago. My life has been so blessed by open adoption. I love my son. I still miss him and think of him often. I am not sad though. I don't regret my decision. I know I did what was best for my baby. I still have contact with letters and pictures sometimes an email. I celebrate my sons life and how it has changed my life. I am in a better place today because of my experience.

The journey was definitely bitter sweet. It was very hard the first year with not only recovering from the physical aspect of pregnancy/delivery but also emotional from the loss and grief of placing a child. I would not change my decision if I had to go back. I am in a better place because of it. My son is happy, healthy and well taken care of. Time truly does heal. I wouldn't say it's moving on because I still have contact, but the hurt is not there anymore.

I am now married to a wonderful man. The couple and my son were able to be at my reception. I don't have any children with my husband yet, but I look forward to being a mom. I know that my experience will make me a better mom. I understand what unconditional love is and what a child needs more than I did before. I plan to tell my future children about my birth son. I do worry some how I will handle pregnancy/delivery and raises a child after placement.


I know my life would be totally different had I single parented. I don't think I would have married my husband. Dating would have been a lot harder. I use to think "what ifs?" now I don't. I don't know that I would have grown from my experience as much. It's hard to think how my life would be different had I chosen another path. Being a birth mom I have gained an extended family with the couple. I have made friends with other woman who have been in my place. I understand the love my mom has for me and the sacrifice she was forced to make when she was 16 and placed. I know that my adoption story helped my mom.

I feel my adoption story has changed my life. It is not the whole part of me, but it has shaped me to the woman I am today. I grew a lot through the process, matured, learned, gained a testimony of adoption and a better testimony of my church. It brought me closer to my family. I would not be the woman I am today with out my experience.