Placement

I was in a lot of physical pain from delivery since my medicine wasn't working and I couldn't take any until i signed my rights away. I signed at LDS Family services. I only had my caseworker and the notary in their with me. I didn't want my family to go through that and I let them have time with "buddy." I got teary eyed. I wish I would have him with me when I signed. I also never really had "alone time" where I got to tell him I love him and why I choose adoption. I have expressed it a lot in letters. I wish I would have had alone time with him though. I placed on February
29, 2004. The placement was from 7-9pm, which is a lot longer than normal. I had more time because of how many family members came to placement. My mom, Dad, Brother and his wife, and sister all were there with me. Plus I had my caseworker, they had a caseworker and I think their were two interns. It was a big group. I also wanted to feed him and change him one last time before I gave him to M&A. I had to change him on my lap and it was very difficult. M&A are a very sweet couple and I know they will be great parents. They gave me a white tiger(which is my favorite animal), necklace and Josh Groban CD. They also sent me the huge flower bouquet to the hospital. They gave my mom and sister a flower too. M&A were very patient at waiting for me to hand them Spencer. I had a hard time letting go. I held him for a long time and stroked his sweet cheeks. I don't remember a lot of what we talked about. I know i told them about the delivery. My family asked them some questions. They talked about their family. We took tons of pictures. My whole family cried. M&A are very sensitive and let me hold him one last time before I left. I felt the spirit during placement and think that "buddy" was so calm because of the spirit being there. When we left my sister and I heard him cry. I felt so sad. Later I found out that M&A were changing his diaper and that's why he cried. I have a testimony of the adoption process and know that the Lords hands were in the process. I know with out a doubt that this is the best thing for my baby and that he is in good hands. I received conformation that they were the couple that "Buddy" should go to. I have grown so much. Even though this has been hard I don't regret it. I am grateful for this experience. I have gained a testimony of adoption and become closer to my family through this process. I have matured a lot and know that this experience has changed my life and made me want to be a better person